


Invisible String

by Hyperra



Category: Teenage Bounty Hunters (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe, F/F
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-09-21
Updated: 2020-09-28
Packaged: 2021-03-07 16:40:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 9,342
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26580775
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hyperra/pseuds/Hyperra
Summary: April and Sterling reconnect at the Regional softball championship, 3 years after April moved schools. Can Sterling's efforts possibly mend the tattered string that's silently bound them together all these years?
Relationships: April Stevens/Sterling Wesley
Comments: 53
Kudos: 148





	1. Chapter 1

_April_

April had never felt so stressed, and that is one hell of a statement for the girl who spent the night before her first day of freshman year at The Milton School annotating laminated maps of the campus. She had been staring at her monitor for the past 4 hours, studying every single move Sterling Wesley made in every game in the season.

It had become a nightly ritual since Willingham’s crushing victory over Redeemer. April always knew Sterling was a talented pitcher, she had played with her all through middle school. Until that week, however, it hadn’t been a problem. Milton’s team was never strong enough to make it to regionals, a feat Willingham pulled off almost every year. The topic was a sore spot for April, who begged Mr. Stevens not to move them to Columbus. She needed to play on a good team to get a scholarship for Arizona, April had insisted. Mr. Stevens, however, insisted that April wouldn’t need a scholarship when she headed to UGA with in-state tuition and pockets full of daddy’s money. 

Miraculously, this year was different. Milton had been blessed with a transfer student from Texas that moved like the Flash, a new coach and an even more determined Captain Stevens. The following week, Milton would face off against the state’s reigning champions, and April would be face-to-face with her old friend, the one person who seemed to always know how to hit her where it hurts. 

  
  


* * *

_Sterling_

Luke’s hand felt strong and protective around Sterling’s as he drove them home from the restaurant. 

“Are you okay, babe?” he asked as nonchalantly as possible. Sterling had been quiet the entire night. This was a far throw from normal, where Luke wouldn’t be able to talk about golf for more than five minutes before Sterling interrupted him with some crazy Blair story. “Babe?” he prodded again after a few seconds.

“Oh, sorry. It’s just, uh, April.” Sterling finally answered, pulling her hand out of Luke’s to play with it in her lap. After a few moments of Luke staring at Sterling blankly, she added “Stevens”.

“April Stevens? Now that’s a name I haven’t heard in a hot minute.” Sterling chuckled at Luke’s use of ‘hot minute’, he always was a bit of an old soul. 

“She moved to Columbus, remember? We’re playing Milton something or other in regionals next week. I’d never heard of that school, so I looked on their website and it says the softball captain is April Stevens. I guess Milton is in Columbus...” Sterling trailed off, unsure of what she was really trying to say.

Looking like the human embodiment of a golden retriever, Luke blurted out “That’ll be so nice, you two haven’t seen each other since 8th grade!” Sterling was completely dumbfounded that her boyfriend could forget the ugly demise of her and April’s friendship. Dumbfounded, but not surprised.

“Luke, she hates me. Her last day at Willingham she signed every single person in our class’ yearbook, and she didn’t even say a word to me. It’s going to make the game so much more stressful with her dumb bitch face staring at me.”

“Huh,” Luke replied eventually. He seemed to understand that the topic shouldn’t be pushed further. After a minute, Sterling put on her sweetest smile and laced her fingers back through his.

* * *

****

_Sterling_

Sterling felt like the ball was pulsing in her hand, a beast with a mind of its own that she couldn’t bring herself to tame. Usually, the movement was completely effortless and Sterling pitched perfectly without ever really trying. This time, however, the ball settled far too neatly in the zone, and Hannah B, arguably the worst batter on the team, managed to hit a homerun. Sterling let out a frustrated groan. She was completely off her game, and she knew exactly why. It was four days until the regionals game against Milton, and April fucking Stevens was haunting her.

It began during Sterling and Blair’s ‘Trashy Treats Tuesday’ 7-Eleven run. Sterling stood face-to-face with the candy aisle, eyes trained on the Skittles and mind ablaze with the memory of April picking out the green ones during 5th grade recess, smiling as she said _“they taste different, Sterl.”_ It took Blair lightly punching her on the arm to pull Sterling out of her stupor, but the entire car ride home she found herself desperately trying to remember why that was one of her last good memories of April. 

Now there she was, stuck in softball practice, with a completely scattered brain and uncoordinated arm. Fortunately, she was given an out after a few more botched pitches. Coach Hopkins, the only teacher at Willingham who ever cussed, insisted she “go the hell home” and shake off whatever funk she’d gotten herself into. She wasn’t sure it would be quite so easy to shake.

_April_

By Tuesday night, April had somehow slipped from the Willingham Athletics YouTube Channel, to Sterling Wesley’s Facebook page. She found herself scrolling through years and years of Happy Birthdays, Happy Anniversaries and Merry Christmases. The sadness she felt was unbearable, and frankly, completely unacceptable. She hated Sterling Wesley. She hated her, but for some unknown reason, the only thing she felt in that moment was a deep sense of loss at all the things she had missed. She couldn’t help but wonder what her old friend was like now. 

In the years immediately after their friendship fell apart (entirely Sterling’s fault, of course), April had been able to observe her from a distance at Willingham. She watched her grow, but not change. Sterling continued to effortlessly follow the path laid out for her. Attending church every Sunday with her perfect family, getting straight As and loving the boy. April hated her. This girl who never had to fight for anything, who never had to feel so deeply displaced and miserable inside. Now it had been three years since she last saw Sterling, and April found herself wondering whether she was still the same meek Christian girl, if she was still stuck on the merry-go-round. She pushed this thought aside, forcing herself to return to studying Sterling’s pitching technique, desperately trying not to look at her hands or her smile.


	2. Chapter 2

_Sterling_

The day she’d been dreading had finally come, and Sterling felt even more jittery than she expected. She checked and rechecked her game bag, undid and redid her hair and paced up and down her room until Blair barged in to aggressively drag her out to the car.

Sterling slinked into the back seat of her dad’s truck, forgoing her and Blair’s normal game of shotgun. She managed to contemplate the many awful things April might say to her in silence for most of the drive, but eventually, her sweet old dad pushed out a tentative, “Pumpkin?”

Sterling looked up, trying to signal that she was listening but not being able to get a word out. “What’s wrong?” he continued. Before she had a chance to answer, although she didn’t plan to, Blair yelled, “Sterling’s scared to see her arch nemesis!” Anderson looked bewildered by his daughter’s statement, a not infrequent occurrence with Blair. 

“Shut up, Blair. And she’s not my nemesis, jeez. Do people even have nemeses? Life isn’t a movie.” Sterling heard herself snap, the words leaving her mouth of their own will. After a tense moment, her father said in a warning tone, “You better play nice today, pumpkin.” 

Sterling quickly retorted, “It’s not me you should be worried about, dad.”

_April_

April was on a warpath. She had berated almost everyone on the team, as well as the staff at the field who refused her completely reasonable request to use the locker room reserved for visiting college teams. She was dreading the moment the Willingham team showed up, the moment she’d lay eyes on Sterling Wesley for the first time in three years.

Soon, everyone in the team was steering clear of her and April was left sitting alone on the bench, reciting the Republican Presidents in her head. It was her oldest coping mechanism, and until that day it had never failed her. When she saw Sterling’s dad’s truck pull up, with no idea why she recognised it immediately, April felt like her heart was climbing up slowly and lodging itself in her throat. Even reciting from Ulysses S. Grant to Benjamin Harrison did nothing to ease her anxiety. Once she saw Sterling get out of the back seat with her bag in hand, the feeling was too much to bear and April suddenly found herself in the bathroom gripping the sink as tight as she could and trying to slow her breathing down.

_Sterling_

Finding it impossible to think about anything else, Sterling’s eyes began scanning for April from the minute she could see the field from the car. She was honest-to-god terrified. She never knew why April hated her so much, but she did know that the girl hated her with a venom strong enough to kill, and she couldn’t handle whatever April might spit at her today. 

Her nightmare was nowhere to be seen, though, and neither were Mr. or Mrs. Stevens. Sterling began to think that maybe it was a completely different April Stevens, and she’d worked herself up over nothing. Lost in her thoughts, she found herself unable to join in on the nervous, excited banter of her teammates, and instead she excused herself to the bathroom.

As soon as she rounded the corner into the room, Sterling saw her. Despite the years that had passed, Sterling knew she could still recognise her old friend a mile away. Stopping in her tracks, she watched as April held tightly onto the corners of the sink, taking deep breaths. After a minute or so, April pulled her thick hair up into a bun and seemed to wipe her eyes. This prompted Sterling to spin in place and head back to the field as fast as possible.

As Coach Hopkins ran through the game plan one more time and huddled the team together for the Willingham battle cry, there was only one thought in Sterling’s head: _she was crying_. 

_Sterling_

By some miracle, Sterling settled into a rhythm after the first few pitches. Soon, she was playing at _almost_ her usual level of excellence. It wasn’t long before she had wiped out three Milton batters. As April stepped up to pitch, her eyes locked onto Sterling’s. Until now, they had somehow managed to avoid this moment. Sterling shook her head to break the hold April suddenly had on her, as she sat down and stretched the fingers on her tired hand.

On the bench, Sterling tried desperately to focus on Willingham’s offensive performance, but she was completely distracted by the shaky movement of April’s arm. As far as her memory served, April was far from a bad pitcher, but her performance so far was completely shocking. Something prompted Sterling to take another look around the packed crowd, but still, April’s parents were nowhere to be found. All the pieces suddenly fit together - April’s crying, her stupidly nervous pitching, the complete lack of a Stevens cheer squad - and an unexpected thought found its way into Sterling’s head: _she needs this win so much more than I do._

Before she even knew what had gotten into her, Sterling found herself pitching appallingly easy balls at the, frankly useless, Milton batters in the next inning. It didn’t take long for Willingham’s opponents to overtake them. By time the Coach Hopkins swapped the relief pitcher in, the damage was done. There was no way Sterling’s mediocre replacement could stop Milton’s momentum. Coach chewed Sterling out in plain view of all the spectators and players, and Sterling was certain April was watching. Somehow, though, she felt proud of what she had done. Although she was never sure what had happened between her and April, her former friend’s venomous anger always seemed to hide immense pain. For the first time in years, Sterling felt like she had a chance to make up for whatever she had done to hurt April.

_April_

_What the fuck?_

This was pretty much the only thing going through April’s mind as she watched Sterling completely throw the game. The regional championship game. Was this some kind of pity play? That had to be it, Sterling _pitied_ April. She felt that April couldn’t possibly beat her if she played fair. The fury bubbled up inside April for the remainder of the game, bringing her closer and closer to boiling point.

As soon as the last inning finished, she pushed through her raucous group of teammates and rushed into the locker room after the Willingham team. Making a beeline for Sterling in the corner of the room, April pushed through the deflated and confused gathering of players.

“What the hell is wrong with you?!” April practically hissed the words as she roughly grabbed Sterling’s arm and spun her around. Sterling looked like a deer in headlights, but April forced herself not to back off. Instead, she tightened her grip on Sterling’s arm and yelled in her face, “I’m not some fucking rookie that you have to go easy on so I can finally get a win. ‘Oh poor little April, she’ll never win if I don’t let her’. Fuck you!”

A deafening silence hung over the room as April spat out her final words, sheepishly let go of Sterling’s arm and ran out of the locker room. She grabbed her bag without a word to her teammates, and ran straight to her car. It took her ten minutes to stop sobbing long enough to be able to drive.

  
  



	3. Chapter 3

_Sterling_

Sterling was completely shell-shocked. Every single person in the locker room’s eyes were trained on her. She felt glued to the floor, with her hand over her mouth and her eyes screwed shut. Luckily, Blair came rushing in, likely chasing an explanation for Sterling’s botched performance. When she saw Sterling cowering in the corner, though, she instead took her straight into her arms.

“Sterling! What happened?” Blair gently stroked the top of her head as she sobbed. 

“Do I need to cut a bitch?” She added in an almost whisper. This at least got a cry-chuckle out of Sterling, who hugged Blair tighter before finally pulling away.

“Take me for Fro-Yo?” Sterling looked pleadingly into her sister’s eyes.

“Of course, you doofus. But you do realise we need to drop the old ball and chain daddy-o back at home first.”

Even with her eyes completely bloodshot from crying, Sterling managed a disgusted face and a teasing, “Don’t ever say the word daddy-o again Blair.”

* * *

Sterling swirled her spoon around her frozen yoghurt cup, trying not to make eye contact with Blair. She knew her nosy sister was desperate for an explanation. If she gave her the slightest bit of eye contact, she would zero in and squeeze it out of her. This time, however, Blair must have been even more determined than usual. Without hesitation, she pulled the fro-yo cup away from Sterling.

“You’re not getting this back until you tell me what happened.”

“You’re bribing me?” Sterling said with a frown, and an unsuccessful attempt at swiping the cup back.

“It’s blackmail. And yes.”

With a deep sigh, Sterling covered her face in her hands. “I threw the game.”

“Well I know that, silly. You were like Chazz Michaels out there, normally you’re like Tonya Harding, minus the conspiracy to commit assault.”

Sterling moved her hand an inch so Blair could see her slightly cocked eyebrow. “You’re weird.” 

“And you’re stupid. Why would you do that, Sterl?”

Still refusing to move her hands down any further, Sterling mumbled into her palms, “for April.”

“What?” Blair exclaimed as she leaned across the table and pulled her sister’s hands down. “Did you say for _April_?” Sterling shyly trained her eyes on the table. 

“You gave away your chance at a state title, for your arch nemesis?”

“For the last time Blair, she’s not my arch nemesis. And yes.” Finally, Sterling lifted her gaze to meet her sister’s. She expected Blair to be angry or disappointed, but instead she just found her looking concerned. 

“Tell me why, Sterl.” Her gentle tone caused the floodgates to open, and Sterling spilled the whole story. How she had seen April crying in the bathroom, how neither of her parents had been there, how April’s nerves seemed to be getting the best of her pitching ability.

“Okay... I don’t get it though. So you didn’t play a fair game because you felt _sorry_ for her that she sucked?”

Sterling scrunched her eyebrows at this, “No, I - no that’s not it. I guess I felt like she would’ve played so much better if she didn’t have all this stuff going on, so it didn’t feel fair in the first place. And she just looked so sad, Blair. I thought she needed the win.”

“I still don’t really get it, Sterl. Sure, April might have been sad and needed a win, but why should you be the one to give her that? She treated you like trash for like 3 years, and then you haven’t even seen her for another 3 years after that.”

The next part was difficult for Sterling to get out, because she’d never said it aloud to anyone. When her and April’s friendship fell apart, it was easier to demonise April. Sterling spent years pretending that she couldn’t possibly have done anything wrong, and April was just a terrible person. Deep down, though, she always knew April wasn’t a bad person, at least not _that_ bad of a person. 

“I think I must have really hurt her, Blair. I don’t know what I did, but I think I did something really bad to her. All those years ago.”

Blair's twin-tuition told her it wasn’t the time to pry. So instead, she just reached across the table and took Sterling’s hand in hers quietly.

  
  


* * *

_Blair_

The next few days were absolute hell for Blair. Sterling was going out of her mind, pacing around Blair's room rambling about how she thinks April completely misunderstood her intentions at the regionals game. 

At 10pm that Wednesday, after exactly 4 hours and 25 minutes (she counted) of Sterling ranting in one sitting, Blair decided that enough was enough. 

“Then for the love of sweet baby ray, tell _her_ this, Sterl. I already know. I already know that you didn’t mean it that way, and that April completely misunderstood and that’s why she exploded at you. Which, by the way, I still want to kill her for. But seriously, either snap out of it or _tell her_.”

This stopped Sterling in her tracks. “Tell her?” she asked in a soft, bewildered tone.

“Yes, you know. Use your type-y fingers, and explain why you did it.” Sterling cocked her head to the side, as if the idea hadn’t occurred to her until that moment.

Sterling suddenly perked up, and practically word vomited, “You know what, great suggestion. But instead of using my type-y fingers, I’m going to use my drive-y hands.”

Before Blair even had the chance to think about what the hell that meant, Sterling had changed into her going out sweatpants and run downstairs to grab their dad’s (forbidden) truck keys.

* * *

_April_

Her dad insisted that April open the door when there was a fervent knocking after 10pm. The staff had already been dismissed, Mr. Stevens had said, and it wasn’t his job to answer his own door. 

April was expecting an axe-wielding murderer, not Sterling Wesley in sweatpants and an oversized hoodie. The sight threw her off even more than a murderer probably would have, and she found herself unable to speak at first. “Hi,” Sterling said in the softest voice April had ever heard from the usually boisterous girl.

“Hi?” the questioning reply left April’s lips eventually. Her eyebrows were knitted together in the best look of utter confusion she could muster.

After a moment, it was like a switch flipped in Sterling and she became her normal bumbling self. “I am _so_ sorry, April. About the game Saturday, I didn’t do it because I think you suck. I was just trying to help, I swear. I just wanted to he-” 

April's mood quickly changed from confusion to frustration. “That’s the problem, _Sterling_. I am furious that you would assume I need your help. You clearly think I’m not as good of a player.”

Sterling dug her hands further into her hoodie, and April could tell she had laced her fingers together beneath the fabric. They stood facing each other in silence for a few moments, and the anger April had just unleashed fell flat in the cool night air. She doesn’t know what exactly it was, maybe something in the earnest way Sterling was looking at her. Maybe the way she wasn’t breaking eye contact, or just the way that she was there in the first place. Whatever it was, something brought April to a rare moment of vulnerability, with Sterling Wesley, her sworn arch nemesis.

“But I’m even more furious that you’re right. I’m not as good as you. And I am so sick of trying so hard all the _freaking_ time and still failing. Then there’s you, perfect Sterling Wesley, who barely needs to try to be the best at literally everything.” April forced herself not to cuss, looking over her shoulder to see if her dad was listening in. He had been so distant toward her since the game. Not that the _‘hot when you do well, cold when you don’t’_ thing was anything new with Mr. Stevens. 

When she looked back, tears were welling up in Sterling’s eyes. “That’s not it at all, April. I did it because I know you’re a good player. We played together for years, remember?”

“What the hell is that supposed to mean? You went easy on me because you think I’m _good_?”

Sterling looked a little staggered by April’s once again harsh tone, but she quickly bounced back. “Well I just mean, I know you can play. But you seemed upset, and nervous, and your parents weren’t there to support you. I guess I just felt like it wasn’t a fair game to begin with, and you needed the win more than I did…”

“I’m used to it, Sterling. This always happens, I crack when it gets too much. But that’s my problem, and you should have played fair.” April noticed how utterly exhausted the words sounded on the way out, and she hoped the weirdest conversation of her life would be over soon.

April had no such luck, though, because in typical stubborn Sterling fashion, the taller girl exclaimed, “Well then you probably just need to learn to relax a bit more.”

April honestly couldn’t believe what she was hearing. She couldn’t believe that those words were coming from Sterling Wesley. Sterling, the girl who completely destroyed her faith in people in only the 5th grade, and then proceeded to flaunt her golden girl status in April’s face for years after. _That_ Sterling Wesley, was telling April to ‘relax’.

Just when April assumed it couldn’t get worse, Sterling added, “I could, like, help you. You know, train you to relax your mind and your arm a bit more.” The sheer audacity of this statement snapped April back to her usual frosty self.

“Get the hell out of here. I don’t need _your_ help, Sterling Wesley.”

Before Sterling could get another word in, April had slammed the door in her face.


	4. Chapter 4

_April_

April felt like she had an itch she couldn’t scratch. She had been sitting at her desk, with the lighting perfectly programmed to encourage productivity, all afternoon and had accomplished nothing. In the hours she lay awake in bed after slamming the door in Sterling’s face, her gut slowly shifted from anger to curiosity. She wondered what prompted Sterling to show up at her house, and why she threw the game. Even if she felt April wasn’t a worthy opponent, as she suspected was the case, there was no reason for Sterling to want April to win. None of it made sense, and it certainly wasn’t like the Sterling Wesley she remembered. With this in mind, April decided that as an analytical and thorough person, she had no choice but to investigate the matter. She took a deep breath as she clicked Sterling’s icon on Facebook chat and typed a single word message: _Fine_.

_Sterling_

Sterling and Blair were cuddled up on the couch watching Buffy re-runs when her phone chimed on the coffee table. The sight of ‘April Stevens’ in her notifications sent Sterling flying onto her feet. On the way up, she let out a noise that could only be described as a squeal.

“What the hell, Sterling?” Blair yelled, throwing a piece of popcorn at her screechy sister as hard as possible.

“April messaged me!”

“That’s your reaction to a message from your middle school bully? I worry that you’re a machinist sometimes, Sterl.”

“A machinist?” Blair’s random assertion pulled Sterling’s eyes away from her phone momentarily.

“Yeah you know, a person who likes being hurt.”

Sterling scrunched her eyebrows at this, “you mean a masochist?”

“Whatever,” her sister jokingly snarled back. “What did she say?”

“She said _fine_.”

Blair grabbed the TV remote at this and muted the show. “Just _fine_? You were squealing over that?”

“Well I didn’t think I’d ever hear from her again.”

“And I hoped that you wouldn’t…” Blair mumbled.

Sterling had told Blair all about how she had offered to tutor April. Of course, she had been nothing but confused by this development. She couldn’t understand why Sterling would possibly want to spend extended periods of time with _April_ and the whole thing was bringing out Blair’s protective streak in full.

“It’s important to me, Blair.” Sterling said, her demeanour suddenly much more timid.

“I know, Sterl,” the brunette said with a sigh, “so what are you going to reply with?”

“Not sure, I’m going up to bed to figure it out.” Sterling was excited again now, and in one swift movement she grabbed her water bottle and blanket and ran upstairs.

“I don’t know what your bed has to do with it, but good luck.” Blair yelled after her as nonchalantly as possible as she unmuted the TV.

\--

Sterling typed and deleted about a billion different replies to April’s message. She didn’t want to be too forward, not after April’s ‘fine’, but she didn’t want her to think she wasn’t interested in tutoring her anymore.

Eventually, she settled on something with just enough assertiveness.

_Meet me halfway? Newnan has a decent field._

Just as she was settling in to sleep, Sterling’s phone chimed with a message from April.

_That’s not exactly halfway. Newnan is 40 miles from Atlanta and like 70 miles from Columbus_.

Sterling was typing her explanation about Newnan being the best place to practice that was anywhere close to halfway between their locations, when another message from April came through.

_But fine. Saturday at 6pm the field is free, I just checked the website. Don’t be late._

Sterling fell asleep with a smile on her face.

* * *

_April_

The drive to Newnan was long and anxiety filled. It was risky letting herself anywhere near the girl who had caused her so much anguish at Willingham, but she had somehow convinced herself that she was stronger now. Now, however, April was second-guessing her decision. As the final exit before Newnan passed her by, she knew she was beyond the point of no return. She steeled her gaze on the road and tightened her hands around the steering wheel.

“Roosevelt, Taft, Harding, Coolidge, Hoover…” She began reciting, and slowly she felt her breathing steady.

_Sterling_

Sterling had arrived at the Newnan Community Field by 5:30. She was scared that if she was even a minute late, April would leave, and for some reason, another rejection by April Stevens was the worst thing she could imagine. In an effort to calm herself down, Sterling began stretching and practicing her pitches. To her dismay, April’s red convertible pulling into the deserted parking lot immediately disturbed the zen state Sterling had crafted by focusing on softball. Seeing April approach her across the field now, Sterling realised for the first time how much her old friend had changed in the years since they last saw eachother. Although she was only a few inches taller, her shoulders had broadened and her acne had cleared. One thing was exactly the same, though, and it was something Sterling had seen growing in April during her last few years at Willingham: the pain in her eyes.

Sterling forced herself to shake these thoughts, that were entirely too deep and super unnecessary, out of her head.

“Hey.” She blurted out as casually as possible, followed by a slightly croaky, “what’s up?”

April looked at her judgmentally, crossing her arms, “Sterling.”

Resisting the random and totally inappropriate urge to shake April’s hand, Sterling instead settled for an awkward and elongated, “that’s meeeee.”

After a moment of silence, she added, “so, um, I’ve already warmed up a bit. You should probably do that.”

April rolled her eyes not-so-subtly at this, “I’m not an idiot, Wesley.”

Nodding her head fervently, Sterling started walking toward the bench, “I’m just gonna, uh…” she trailed off.

“Sit?” April finished for her as she stretched her pitching arm.

“Yep.” The taller girl said, avoiding eye contact at all costs.

_April_

April ‘always one step ahead’ Stevens, was utterly clueless as to Sterling’s current behaviour. Why was she so nervous? Why does she even want to do this? She did her best to put these thoughts out of her head as she warmed up. This was no easy task with Sterling staring at her as she twiddled her thumbs. Eventually, the bizarreness of the situation got too much and April cut her warm up short.

“I’m ready.” She said as confidently as possible as she jogged to stand in front of Sterling.

“Okay,” Sterling said with a shy smile.

When they reached the pitching circle, April looked at Sterling expectantly and announced, "you’re the one who wanted to ‘train’ me, so train me.”

_Sterling_

Sterling already knew April’s problem was mental. She remembered her performing really well in middle school, when there wasn’t as much pressure to win. The real question was how to broach the subject with April, as she couldn’t imagine her being all that willing to let Sterling inside her head .

“Uhh, maybe just start by showing me some of your different pitching styles.” Sterling decided to start slow.

April simply nodded, and walked Sterling through her various signature pitches. It didn’t take long for Sterling to notice the shakiness in April’s arm and how she struggled most with curveballs and change-ups. After around 20 minutes of observing April’s pitching and her muttered ‘damnits’, Sterling knew it was time.

  
  


“Are you nervous?” she asked tentatively.

This had April snapping her head to look at Sterling, “Why?”

“I, uh, your arm is shaking. I noticed it shaking at the game, too.”

April knitted her eyebrows together, looking down at the ball in her hand shivering slightly. 

  
  


“Yes.” She said begrudgingly.

“Good.” Sterling blurted out confidently, earning her a glare from April.

“Good?”

“Yes, good. We want you to feel how you feel when you’re in a game, so we can help you fix it.”

To Sterling’s surprise, April began slowly nodding her head, “okay.”

This gave Sterling the confidence she needed to continue. “Maybe try and focus on the feeling in your arm. Where do you feel tension?”

April looked a bit skeptical again, but after a second she closed her eyes. Sterling found herself staring at the way the shorter girl held herself, and the conscious way she was breathing in and out.

“My elbow.” April’s answer snapped Sterling out of her slight daze.

“Okay, good. What does it feel like?”

“Loose, like I have no control over it.”

Sterling noticed April flexing the muscles in her arm, eyes still closed. The sight made her throat even drier than it had been since the moment April arrived at the field. After a few seconds, April opened her eyes. 

“So…?” She was looking at Sterling expectantly.

“Well, we need to try and figure out a way for you to stay grounded in your body when you’re playing. That way your body, and your pesky elbow, will do what you want them to.” Sterling said excitedly, like she had just solved a puzzle.

“Grounded in my body? Are you some kind of hippie now, Wesley?” April said with raised eyebrows.

Sterling took a minute to think about the best way to explain herself to April, who was still staring at her in the most nerve-wracking way ever. 

“I just mean, like, being in the moment. For me, softball is my safe space. When I’m pitching, it almost feels like there’s nobody else there. It’s just me in my body, with the ball in my hand.”

April cast her eyes down to the floor at this statement, and Sterling sensed she’d hit some kind of sore spot.

“Just try and remind yourself why you play in the first place. Focus on that feeling, and only that feeling. Not the crowd, or the opponents. Not even your own teammates.”

This elicited a subtle nod from April, before she began walking back to the bench. Sterling followed after her, but hung back a bit. When April stopped suddenly, Sterling mimicked. Before she knew it, April had turned to face her, and taken a few steps forward to lessen the distance between them.

“Honestly? I hate softball. But it’s my only chance to get away from here.”

The words hit Sterling like a sucker punch, as even more pieces of the April Stevens puzzle fell into place.

_April_

April had absolutely no idea why she had just shared that with Sterling. Why did she keep doing that? She hated Sterling Wesley. But it was too late, the words had already left her stupid mouth and travelled through the air right into stupid Sterling’s stupid ears.

“Wow,” Sterling said after a moment.

April couldn’t bring herself to lift her head and look at Sterling. Instead, she kicked at the grass with her foot.

“Well, let’s help you get the hell out of here then.” 

The words caught April off guard, and she finally looked up at Sterling.

“Same time next week?” she heard Sterling say, with a little hopeful smile to boot.

Again, April had no idea what had gotten into her, but she found herself saying, “okay.”


	5. Chapter 5

_Sterling_

Luke sat with his face scrunched in confusion, poring over the Spanish homework. It had always been a weekly tradition for Sterling and Luke to have a ‘study’ session at Luke’s house. Usually, it turned out as more of a ‘watch Luke’s selection of dumb YouTube videos and makeout’ session. This time, however, Sterling had insisted they focus on their homework.

Sterling finished her work rather quickly, and had been trying to help Luke for the last half an hour. It was a pointless effort, and she eventually decided to just sit back against the bed and scroll on her phone. Eventually, Luke slammed his book shut and beamed at Sterling.

“Let’s talk about something fun, Sterl.”

Sterling had no idea what her boyfriend meant by this, and her face showed it, “okay?”  
“College! I can’t wait till we can apply, I’ve found a few schools that would be a good fit for the two of us.”

For some reason, this topic made Sterling feel like the walls were slowly closing in. She put on her best smile, though, and replied casually, “yeah, it’ll be great, babe.”

This response had Luke beaming even more, as he crawled across the floor toward her and put his lips on hers. It felt _different_ and Sterling pulled away after a few seconds. 

“Sorry, I promised Blair I’d help her practice for her sociology presentation tonight,” Sterling blurted as she jumped to her feet and started gathering her stuff.

“Dang, you can’t stay any longer?” Luke whined as he came up behind Sterling, putting his hands firmly on her waist. His touch felt more restrictive than comforting, and Sterling quickly turned around to face Luke and put some distance between them.

“I really can’t, I’m sorry,” she said firmly before giving him a quick kiss on the cheek.

Luke was left standing alone in his bedroom feeling confused, and not just about the Spanish homework.

_April_

Other than practice days, April had spent every evening that week in her family’s manicured backyard. She had been trying to practice Sterling’s mindfulness technique, but it proved impossible without the right sprinkle of nerves. As the sun began setting on Friday, she gave up trying to replicate the nervousness she felt around Sterling, and instead began questioning _why_ Sterling had this effect on her. By the end of her shower, April had decided the explanation was that it had been so long since they had seen each other, and there was too much anger under the surface. That was totally it. She lay awake for several hours that night, both dreading and looking forward to seeing Sterling again.

  
  
  


_Sterling_

Sterling couldn’t contain how excited she was for her and April’s next tutoring session. All day Saturday, she had been talking Blair’s ear off about it. By 4pm, her sister had heard enough.

“Sterl I need the car tonight, can I drop you off now?”

“Now? I’m not meant to meet April till 6, if we leave now I’ll be like at least an hour early,” Sterling whined.

Blair rolled over on her bed to face Sterling, and with a warning tone she replied, “hey, you had the car last Saturday, and I’m doing you a favor by taking you.”

“Fine. What do you even need the car for?” Sterling asked suspiciously, as she walked into her room and started getting ready.

“I have a date, Sterl. I told you.”

Sterling paused and tried to remember when Blair had told her this. She’d been so caught up in the whole ‘April situation’, as Blair was calling it, that she admittedly hadn’t been paying as much attention to her twin. 

“Oh, sorry Blair Bear,” she said mournfully as she grabbed the last of us stuff. After a minute, she yelled “I’m ready!” excitedly, trying to shift the mood of the room as best as she could.

* * *

After an agonizing 35 minutes of Blair’s Lamb of God playlist, they arrived in Newnan. It was just after 5pm, and Sterling had lots of time to kill before April would arrive.

“You can just leave me at the gas station on the corner here, I’ll get some snacks and then walk up to the field.”

Blair obliged, and mumbled a vague goodbye as Sterling got out of the car. They’d barely talked the entire drive, and it was clear Blair was still upset that Sterling had forgotten about her date.

Sterling didn’t have time to worry about that right now though, because she had the very important task of choosing a food that April would like. Faced with the array of candy and chips, she was immediately drawn to the same snack that had brought out old memories of April last week. Skittles. She grabbed a bag and headed to the register. The walk to the field was short, and she had about half an hour to practice her own pitching before April would be there.

_April_

The excitement had definitely lost out to dread by the time April was halfway to Newnan. She wasn’t sure why she had even agreed to continue doing this with Sterling, she still hated her for what she had done to her. More so than being angry, though, April was terrified that the past would bubble to the surface soon, and she would get hurt all over again. When she arrived, her eyes immediately landed on Sterling. She was on the field, ball in hand. The taller girl looked lost in the moment, and April watched her complete a perfect pitch. Seeing Sterling like this somehow eased April’s dread, and she almost found herself smiling as she approached the field. Nonetheless, her heart was beating hard - the iron grip of nervousness Sterling held over April had not subsided. 

“Hey,” April greeted as she reached the bench. Sterling hadn’t noticed her arrival, and she jumped slightly.

“Oh! Hi,” she replied as she jogged over to April.

“Looking good,” April found herself saying. Her cheeks blazed red as she realized how that sounded, “I mean, your pitching!”

This had Sterling giggling hysterically, before she could finally get out, “I know, April.”

Hearing Sterling address her like that - like they were friends - sent a buzz through April. She found herself smiling at Sterling as she pulled her glove on.

They stood there looking at each other for a few moments, a small smile on Sterling’s face, before the taller girl suddenly yelled, “Oh! I got us some snacks, by the way. For afterwards.”

April watched as Sterling ran excitedly to her bag and pulled out a bag of Skittles, placing it neatly on the bench. _Skittles_. April’s mind began racing with thoughts of whether Sterling remembered that Skittles were her favourite.

“I almost picked out the green ones for you, but thought it might be a bit, like, gross for me to touch them,” Sterling blabbed nervously, still standing a few feet from April. 

Not knowing what to say, April just stood there and blinked.

“I thought you liked the green ones. Anyway, let’s -”

“You remembered?” April finally managed to get the words out.

Sterling lifted her gaze from the floor then, and looked at April with the most genuine smile she had ever seen, “of course I remembered.” 

April was hit with the realization that this was the first time either had acknowledged their past friendship, and just how close they had been. The moment felt far too heavy and April felt the need to cut the string she felt was starting to bring them closer to each other.

So she stood up straighter, finished fastening her glove and said confidently, “Let’s pitch.”

Sterling took the hint, and they started talking softball. It seemed that Sterling had done some research on mindfulness techniques, which she related to April as best she could and tried to help her apply them. Despite this, April was still struggling with that damn shake in her hand. 

  
  


“Okay,” Sterling relented after almost 45 minutes. “That’s enough I think.”

The taller girl turned to April unexpectedly as they were packing their bags in silence.

“Do you have to leave right now?”

April’s eyes widened, she had no idea where Sterling was going with this, but answered nonetheless, “I just need to text my mom to say I’m going to be late, but no.”

Sterling didn’t say anything in response, she just raised her eyebrows and nodded her head in a direction somewhere behind April. Turning her head to follow Sterling’s gaze, April found herself looking at a playground. 

“Sorry, I don’t understand,” April said, returning to face Sterling with knitted eyebrows. 

“You, me, Skittles, and that giant climbing net thing.” 

Sterling sounded like a hopeful child, and her piercing blue eyes were looking right into April. April had spent her last few years at Willingham building a Sterling-proof wall around her heart. It’d been so long since she was face-to-face with the girl though, and April found herself unable to resist Sterling’s charms like she once had.

“Okay,” the words left her mouth almost of their own will, and she followed an excited Sterling to the playground.

“Here,” the taller girl said as she handed April the bag of Skittles, “I’ll climb up and you throw them to me, then you can climb up.”

Sterling looked down at April over her shoulder when she was about halfway. The two of them locked eyes, and April found herself stifling a laugh, blush creeping up her cheeks. Luckily, Sterling seemed to have a similar response. After a moment, she continued the rest of the way up the net, and nestled herself into a comfortable seated position.

“Send that sugary goodness my way!” Sterling yelled with a hoot, and April obliged.

She felt stupidly awkward climbing up the contraption, especially with Sterling’s eyes on her. With an intense focus on each step, she made it almost to the top, when she noticed Sterling’s outstretched hand.

“You’ll have to swing round to the left so you can sit next to me,” Sterling said matter-of-factly.

April took her hand tentatively and let Sterling pull her up and to the left, moving over slightly so the smaller girl could settle in next to her. April thanked her lucky stars that they weren’t touching. The distance afforded her some time to try and forget the hum holding Sterling’s hand had sent through her body.

Silence fell over them then. It was the end of dusk, and there wasn’t a single soul to be seen in the field complex or the neighboring streets. Despite the quiet, the whole moment seemed coated by a deep comfort and familiarity. After a few minutes, Sterling cracked open the Skittles bag and began snacking. 

“Do you mind if I pick out the green ones?” April asked quietly.

This brought out Sterling’s sweetest smile, the one April had noticed several times that day, “Of course.” 

They sat like that for the next twenty minutes, watching the last of the daylight disappear.


	6. Chapter 6

_Sterling_

Milton had played their first state qualifier on Tuesday night, and had barely skated to a victory. After trawling all the local newspapers available online, Sterling determined the victory was likely a fluke because of an error the other team made, and she knew April was probably _freaking out_. 

Luckily, by the time her and April’s next Saturday practice session rolled around, Sterling had a working theory for what April’s problem might be. She seemed totally incapable of relaxing in the face of pressure, and statistically, it was unlikely that not a single one of the dozens of techniques her and Sterling had tried would work. Unless there was a deeper problem under the surface. 

This was Sterling’s theory: April had to acknowledge and release the tension she had bubbling inside her. It was clear a mile away that there was something going on in April’s life, with her parents not attending the Regionals game, and how _extra_ tense April seemed in her own house when Sterling visited that night. Sterling also hadn’t forgotten the conversations her and April had in elementary school about how her dad would react when she got a B+, instead of an A. 

Now, she just had to try and bring the issue up to April.

  
  


_April_

April found herself weirdly excited as she pulled into the Newnan field lot. She’d started to enjoy her and Sterling’s weekly meetings, despite the nervousness she still felt around Sterling, and the fact that her pitching hadn’t improved. Inside, April knew she wasn’t there because of softball, but that wasn’t a fact she allowed herself to acknowledge. Instead, she jumped out of the car as soon as she arrived, and walked as casually as possible to where Sterling was sitting.

“Hey,” she offered, as she joined her on the bench. “Not practicing your pitching today?”

When Sterling finally looked over, April could tell she was nervous. 

“I actually wanted to talk to you about something.”

Tension immediately entered April’s body, and her shoulders unintentionally hunched up. She didn’t reply, opting instead to just wait for Sterling to continue. She was expecting her to bring up the past, and April wasn’t sure she could deal with that right now, or ever.

“I have a theory about what your pitching problem is.”

April felt herself relaxing somewhat, relieved that the topic was going to be softball.

“I think maybe the reason you can’t calm yourself down, like, in the moment… um,” Sterling paused, clearly still nervous. This made April realize that the second shoe was going to drop, and her heart began beating like crazy again. “I think the reason is that you need to deal with whatever is going on, like inside, or in your, uh, your life.”

April felt herself shrink into her body, leaning as far away from Sterling as possible.

“Excuse me?” she finally got out.

“With your family and stuff, I mean. Your parents weren’t at the game, and I know your dad has never been all that -” 

In an instant, April’s walls had shot up, and she felt rage bubbling in her. She jumped to her feet in one swift movement, turning to face Sterling and speaking harshly into her face, “how _dare_ you? You don’t know anything, Sterling.”

She started walking toward her car, Sterling hot on her trail.

“April, please. I’m just trying to help.”

April stopped just before reaching the parking lot, and spun around to face Sterling.

“You’re supposed to be helping me with softball, not sticking your nose in my private life. And anyway, I have no fucking idea why I even let you help me with softball in the first place. So just leave me alone.”

With that, she stormed off to her car, and left Sterling standing at the edge of the field, head in her hands.

  
  


_Sterling_

For the second time in the last few weeks, Sterling was left shell-shocked by April Stevens. It was exactly the reaction Sterling had feared, and it reminded her of the old April. Well, not the _old_ April who was her friend. More like the April from her last years at Willingham, and the April she saw at the Regionals game. The angry and venomous April who hated Sterling. 

Still, Sterling felt an inescapable ache. She longed to get back in April’s good, or at least ‘okay’, graces. This longing was driving Blair insane, who couldn’t understand why Sterling kept trying to connect with April. 

“She’s shown you who she is, Sterl. For the billionth freaking time. Why won’t you listen to her?” she had said to Sterling on Friday afternoon, and since then she’d had her bedroom door closed.

How could Sterling possibly explain to Blair that she just _knew_ that April wasn’t really this venomous creature? She couldn’t rationalize it, she could only feel it. Blair would never understand that.

After hours tossing and turning, Sterling made up her mind. She had to try again, she had to bring April back to her. Her friend, April, not this other April the girl had chosen to give her the last few years. She had to understand why they stopped being friends in the first place and she had to mend the string that bound them to each other. So, she opened her phone, not even caring that it was almost 1am, and texted April to tell her she would be at the field the next night at 6pm waiting for her. Now she could do nothing but hope April showed up.

  
  


_April_

April woke up at 6am, ready for a day of forcing herself not to think about Sterling Wesley. This plan was interrupted when she saw a text from said Sterling at the top of her notifications.

_I’ll be there at 6pm. I hope you come._

The words sent a stabbing pain through her chest. She couldn’t understand why Sterling wasn’t letting this, _her_ , go. Why was she trying so hard to… to what? 

She pushed the pain and the question down as long as she could, but by 4pm, she knew she needed to go. She needed answers.

When she pulled into the parking lot, she saw Sterling sitting on the bench. She looked small and timid, but April pushed down the sympathetic part of herself. She needed to stay strong.

Channelling her inner fortitude, April approached Sterling. The taller girl got to her feet when she saw her, and opened her mouth to speak, but April cut her off with a sharp snap of her hand.

“Why did you offer to help me?” She asked, her voice cold.

Sterling muttered back a crackly, “what?”

“Tell me why you want to do this, to help me with my softball. Actually, tell me why you even want to talk to me.”

A loaded silence fell over them, and April saw nothing but pain behind Sterling’s blue eyes.

“Because I missed you,” she heard her say eventually, barely audible.

April knew Sterling was telling the truth, and it wasn’t often she felt like people were telling her the truth. This, combined with _what_ Sterling was saying, hit her like a ton of bricks, and she felt tears welling up in her eyes. She gulped hard, holding them back.

She was surprised to hear Sterling continue, “because I’ve always missed you. Because I need to know what went wrong with our friendship.”

By this point, April had started shaking, and she gripped the sides of her arms tighter, folding into herself.

“I need to know what I did to hurt you,” Sterling went on, stepping closer to April.

April closed her eyes at this. She couldn’t deal with what she was hearing, and a stray tear escaped, rolling down her cheek for only a millisecond before she brushed it away with the back of her hand. 

“Please,” Sterling pleaded. 

April realized there was no way Sterling didn’t know what she had done, and anger began to mix in with her pain. She started shaking her head, and finally responded with a bitter combination of hurt and indignation, “you _gave me away_ , Sterling.”

The words seemed to physically knock Sterling back, as she leaned back on her feet and crossed her own arms over her body. “What?” she replied finally.

April shook her head again. _Unbelievable_ , she thought. _She’s really acting like she doesn’t know what she did_. 

Forcing herself to maintain the harsh eye contact she had just made with Sterling, and speaking in the least shaky voice she could muster, April said “in the 5th grade, during recess. I was sitting on the swings, and you came right up to me, grabbed my hand and pulled me over to Jessica. Then you said: April’s in your group now.”

She breathed in sharply, feeling her breath unintentionally hitch in her throat, “and then you walked away.”

Sterling let out a quivering breath, shaking her head, “April, I don’t even rememb-”

“Really?” The last trace of hurt had left April’s face, replaced entirely by rage. “You don’t remember?” April knew she was yelling now, but she couldn’t bring herself to stop. 

Sterling dropped her arms to her sides, stepping closer to April and raising her own voice, “I don’t remember it _like that_.”

“Oh really? So tell me, _Sterling_ ,” she spat with as much venom as possible, “what the hell did you think all these years? That we just drifted apart?”

This made Sterling curl into herself again, hurt taking precedence over anger once again. The moment of silence made April realize they were now only a few inches apart. Despite her boiling rage, she still noticed Sterling’s perfume.

After another second, Sterling finally answered in an almost whisper, “I thought you hated me, and I never knew why.”

April scoffed incredulously at this, taking a step back as she did so, “then why did you never talk to me about it.”

Realizing she had said all there was to say, April spun on her heel and began speed walking back to her car. She could hear Sterling calling out for her, but she didn’t stop. Sterling Wesley hadn’t changed. She was still the same careless and self-centred person who had broken April all those years ago.


End file.
